Flower, Kiss, Appreciation - An op-ed by Matt Jackson, UNFPA Representative in Viet Nam
Every year on 8th March, Viet Nam’s streets bloom with vibrant bouquets as men present flowers to their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and female colleagues. – the important women in their life. It’s a beautiful tradition that underscores deep respect and affection.
Perhaps you remember each 8th March when your mother would receive a bouquet of flowers, accompanied by a kiss and an "I love you" from your father. But maybe you also recall those nights when your father came home late, raising his drunken voice if dinner wasn’t ready. Your older sister quietly looked away or tried to comfort your mother. It might have seemed normal, a private family matter, but situations like this leave a lasting mark.
I recently met Bao, a devoted brother who would lovingly present his sister with flowers each International Women’s Day, believing this simple act demonstrated his gratitude and respect for a woman who worked tirelessly, taking care of a young child while building a seemingly perfect family. But Bao had no idea that, just three days later, he’d again be buying flowers for his sister, this time for her funeral. She died from gender-based violence, even as the bouquet her husband had given her on International Women’s Day still sat fresh on the dining table.
In many homes around the world, including in Vietnamese households, perhaps even in your own family, there are women who are silently enduring violence – whether it is verbal, controlling or physical behind closed doors. No bouquet of roses can ease the pain of living in fear. And in a society where discussions on domestic violence are still evolving, such pain too often remains hidden.
According to the 2019 National Study on Violence against Women in Viet Nam, 63% of women aged 15 to 64 have faced some form of violence whether physical, sexual, emotional or economic, by their husbands or intimate partners. This might include your sister, daughter or colleague. Alarmingly, more than 90% never seek help, even if they receive flowers each year from the very person who abuses them.
Another report from the United Nations revealed that only in 2023, 18,000 women were killed in Asia by intimate partners or family members. These are not just number. These are real lives, real tragedies and real families left shattered by gender-based violence.
This International Women’s Day, as we exchange bouquets adorned in bright wrapping, let’s take a moment to reflect.
Is honoring women just once a year enough while we remain silent when we hear our neighbor being yelled at?
Are we doing our part as sons, husbands, brothers, friends and neighbors to protect the women in our lives?
If that day, Bao sister's neighbors had spoken up, perhaps she would not have had to leave.
The truth is clear: flowers alone won’t fix gender-based violence. But we can and we will. A society in which everyone, especially men, recognises that violence is not a private matter but everyone’s concern, and where effective policies and supportive services protect survivors. True progress requires active participation from all of us to end the stigma and shame surrounding domestic violence. It demands collective action from leaders, policymakers, and communities, especially men, who can champion changes in their own homes and circles.
At UNFPA in Viet Nam, we partner with the government, local stakeholders and everyday citizens to ensure that women are not only celebrated but also genuinely safe and empowered. If you or someone you know needs help, the national helpline 18001768 is available.
Recognising the critical role of men in breaking the cycle of violence, UNFPA has partnered with the Viet Nam Farmers’ Union to launch the "Responsible Fatherhood" initiative—helping men understand their role in building violence-free families, the Law on Gender Equality and the Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence, breaking down gender stereotypes, ensure women’s rights and reduce gender pressure on men.
Some men have never met each other before, have never talked to each other, are willing to sit down to confess, exchange knowledge, share experiences about building happy families and interact in hypothetical situations inspired by real life. These men are becoming the beacons of change in their communities, saying no to gender-based, domestic violence.
Ending violence against women and girls isn’t solely a women’s issue; it’s a societal responsibility. So this 8th March, by all means give flowers, but also give something more. Have candid conversations with your mother about mutual respect. Offer reassurance to your sister that she deserves safety and dignity. Teach your daughter that love and kindness must never coexist with fear. Break the silence around domestic violence, because women in Viet Nam, and everywhere, deserve more than just a single day of recognition.
Remember: this could be happening to someone you love, even without your knowledge. We must do more than hand out flowers. We must ensure that every woman lives free from violence, every single day. After all, it’s far better to honor them in life than to lay flowers on their graves.
Matt Jackson became UNFPA Country Representative in Viet Nam in August 2023. Prior to the appointment in Viet Nam, Matt was Director of UNFPA’s London Representation Office covering Ireland, Italy, Portugal, Spain and the United Kingdom.
Prior to joining UNFPA in 2017, Matt was a diplomat at the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO). Matt holds an MSc in International Development from SOAS, University of London and a BA (double) in Spanish and French from the University of Manchester.
